Just read something you may like...

I am joining the SJGR club...read the following post and join me!

 http://www.gradydoctor.com/2013/07/team-sjgr-heart-manifesto-and-exodus.html

This post gets real and gets to the heart of the matter....

May our hearts beat strong and together!
I do love you all,
Terry

Have you lost weight?

Yes, I am still here and yes, except for a few small ingestions of things not on plan...I am hanging in.  Barely.   

I'm to the point where people notice something about me but  it isn't totally clear that I am smaller than I used to be.  Kind of like, in their head, they think, "wasn't she bigger?" but are afraid to compliment me because then I will know they thought I was really fat!

Well, I have lost some weight...21 pounds to be exact and you can hardly tell.  That is such a shame but it is what "it is."  I am not in a smaller size pants and still look like a "big girl" but I can see the very fronts of my toes when I look down...so I am making progress. 

I have some things to admit.  I do not have the aching joints like I did when I ate pounds and pounds of garbage.  I have a little more energy...not tons but more that I used to.  Oh, and I don't crave junk either.  I do crave a nice glass of wine or two or the bottle...but as we used to say in college..."la-di-da."  No wine for me...

Sunday will be a full 4 weeks and I am guessing I will be down 25 pounds.   That should be good, huh?

May we see less of each other next time,
Love,
Terry

Staying on the program

I have been on the program for amost two weeks...since Monday, June 3rd.  I am kind of proud that I was able to convince my "food loving" mind to eat well.  I had a heck of a headache for 5 days after I stopped all things bad.  No wine, no soda, no diet soda, no bread, no pasta, no carbs and no caffiene...only ice water and lots of it.   I made it to day 10 without caffiene and decided that was something that I will not be able to live without.  I have been drinking coffee since I was 3 and I am 49 now.  I headed back to the gym and I made it 5 days last week too.  Feeling hopeful that this life change and diet change is something that I can do for the rest of my life.  Oh, and I lost 16 pounds!  Hope if you are on this journey with me, you are sticking to your plan as well.

Keep on keepin' on...
May we see less of each other next time.
Love,
Terry

Friday thoughts...

I need new thoughts for Fridays and honestly for the whole weekend.  My routine was working on Friday..."tucking all of my patients in for the weekend" but while doing that, thinking about all good food I was going to make and eat for those days.  Then, I would go to the grocery store and buy what I was going to make, dessert for the "boys" and hit the liquor store for good measure.  Then, I would come home, put out the "poo-poo's" (hors de vours as they call them in Hawaii), pour myself a glass of wine, call Jim to join me and sit.  If it is summer, you on the patio and if it is too cool, you sit on the couch.  By God, I deserve that every weekend...at least that is what I thought/think.

Doesn't that sound wonderful?  Well, it does to me.  You can imagine how the rest of the night goes...mindlessly eat hummus and carrots or crackers while sipping my wine, then refilling the glass while I put the other meal on and then finally when we do eat dinner...I've had two glasses of wine, a whole tub of hummus, so many carrots that my vision should be 20/20 and I made a whole other course to eat.  And...eat I did.

I deserve to eat good food, I mean, I take care of people all the time and what does a few glasses of wine and nice meals hurt?  In my mind, it helps me decompress and relax...

Gotta change that story and it starts tonight.  The good thing is, Jim isn't home tonight and I can make a healthy meal.  And, the guy who owns the liquor store called the house yesterday because he hasn't seen me all week (just kidding).  Honestly, I probably consumed all my weeks calories on the weekend with my pink wine! 

It is Friday and I will work all day..."tucking" as I like to think about it.  Then, I will come home and drink water because I almost feel achy from all the detoxing I am doing.  Then, I will water my plants, visit my animals, plan dinner with my son (I hope), eat my healthy meal and watch a movie.  I rented "The Big Chill" from the library and can't wait to watch it again.  I don't think I have seen that in 20 years.

So...wish me luck, I'm gonna need it.  Those voices in my head are really not happy with this new way of eating!

May we see less of each other next time,
Love,
Terry

Numero Dos...

In the true fashion of me...I haven't eaten a morsel of food for two days now.  I am fasting, I guess or I am participating in a torture plan.  What is it about me that has to be all or nothing?  It's seems to be how I have lived my whole life really.  In respect to dieting, I am either all in or all out.  I am on a diet or I am definitely not on a diet. 

I made it through yesterday and am struggling already with today.  I am supposed to go to brunch with some buddies and I have some decisions to make...

*Am I still dieting? 
* Does that mean I am not eating anything at all? 
* What if I don't ever get to go out to eat at a restaurant ever again?

You see...that is how my brain works...all or nothing!

I'll let you know how it goes...

May we see less of each other next time.
Love,
Terry

The first one in the books...

I made it through yesterday on track mostly and didn't go crazy.  I am still in my head about how I am missing out on all the good food there is to eat but I am working on changing those thoughts.  No wine, no junk and no soda...if I could just stick to those rules, I would take off a few. 

The box arrived by my garage door and of course, it was dissappointing.  It was a binder with print outs, fiber, vitamins, a pedometer, and a food scale.  I read the binder cover to cover and guess what?  IT WASN'T MAGIC!!!!  I wanted magic and easy stuff for the money. 

This morning, I mixed up the fiber shake, drank it and am waiting to be 50 pounds lighter this afternoon...or not.  I am sure I will have to be close to a bathroom most of the day but hey, that's one way to take a few off and honestly, I am not too proud.

Keep me posted and I'll keep you posted and maybe by they end of the week...

We'll see less of each other tomorrow,
Love,
Terry

Getting off the struggle bus...

" We are still the masters of our fate. We are still the captains of our souls".            Thank you Winston Churchill    

 

Life is struggle enough...don't you think?  As I said last night, I am permanently getting off of the struggle bus and I am either gonna walk or ride my bike or at least start to try.  

 

It's funny because sometimes I will hate the way something is...how dirty the house is, how  the sheets pull off of my bed when I roll around all night or how my pants fit and feel like there is no way out.  Crazy...Crazy...Crazy.

 

It's about starting to do something positive and stringing a couple of days together.  It's about changing the voices in your head.   (People get uncomfortable when I say that...about voices...but my husband assures me that everyone has them.) It's about taking things a day or an hour or a minute at a time.

 

So Good morning and good luck...to me and whomever is getting off the bus with me.  The route the "struggle" bus is taking has changed...and this time we are thinking it will not be reinstated.  We or I just need to find a different way to travel to the places I want to go.

 

Goals for today:

1.  Change the voices when I zip the pants...

2.  Drink the freakin' water

3.  Think about every item that comes within 4 inches of my mouth

 

And the biggest one: 

Enjoy this beautiful Colorado day, the work I do and that I am lucky enough to have enough to have all that I have!!

 

May we see less of eachother next time,

Love,

Terry

 

 

  

 

 

 

The Last Supper....

I have decided that tomorrow is the day.  The mail has not come, UPS hasn't brought anything and I'm still fat.  Actually, I am fatter than I was before I decided to order this diet.  I spent the last month eating "for the hunger to come."

The clock is ticking though and it's a few days until I am 49.  That number stuns me and I can't believe it.  I will be 49...almost 50.  That seems so old although in my head, but honestly,  I don't feel that old.  Sure I'm slipping a little but sometimes I feel like I still got it.

But, the weight thing has been an issue since I was a teen.  I remember thinking I was fat then and I wasn't...I was regular.  Now at 49, there is no getting around the fact that being 40 pounds up slows me down.  It almost has me at a full stop.

Tonight, I made bbq beef brisket and baked potatoes.  My son and I sat down, said our prayers before dinner and I looked at my food.  I sat for a minute, which I never do and looked for the power it had over me.  Where was it?  Why do I feel so good when I am chewing and tasting?   I thought about it for a minute or two and dug in.  It was good and I had probably three buns full along with the baked potato full of butter and sour cream.  It was good but not earth shattering...

Then I told my son that I was starting tomorrow...a new way of life.  "What are you gonna do mom?" he asked.  I told him how I was gonna do this diet and follow it and write stuff down and I was gonna stick to it.  "Well, it's good you have a plan" he said as he rolled his eyes.  He's 16 and has seen me bigger (although not too much) and much smaller on a year by year basis.  I get his disbelief in the whole process.

What he doesn't get it that I am getting winded when we play basketball, and I can't even begin to keep up with him like I used to.  I can hardly get off the couch and forget riding my snowboard or backpacking into the high country.  Enough is enough.

So tomorrow is the day, the first day of the rest of my life.  I decided not to post the actual poundage to protect the lives of the innocent but will post the losses.  I also think I will talk a little about the daily grind.  

If you are in the same boat, let me know...and we can tawk.  I have no magic, no tips and no easy fixes...but I do have hope.  I need to have hope.  I am almost 49 and need get my "physical" act together in the next year...

I am keenly aware of time and of happiness and of what's important.   Good  health is important and being able to get outside and move is important and being here with your family is important.  I figure the only way to try to beat the odds is to get my weight down and hope for the best...

As the disciples sat around the table for the last supper, Jesus broke bread, (which is really bad for you they say)  and said take and eat, this is my body given up for you...then he took the cup, drank ( also bad for  you, they say) and said this is my blood given for you.  Listen, whatever you think about Jesus...every picture I've seen is of him thin...

So here's to the last supper...no bread and no wine...just health and wellness and doing what stirs your soul...besides eating!

May you see less of me next time,
Love,
Terry

Waiting for the diet to arrive...

I ordered a new diet plan...3 weeks ago.  I got all excited and I ordered it.  It isn't anything I haven't tried before but this time, I am gonna do it.  You see, this time, while I am dieting, I am going to turn 49 years old.  I figure if I live to be 100, it's almost half time! 

Half time in a basketball game is when the team gathers in the locker room and if they aren't winning, comes up with a game plan for the second half of the game.  That's what I'm looking at and I am trying to come up with a strategy.

My strategy has been put off though because it hasn't even been shipped.  I called yesterday and they said they were on back log and I would recieve an email when it ships.  I told her that I have lost my interest and wondered if I could get a refund.  "Forget it, I'll just get fatter and fatter"... and then I thought to myself...and what?  Be more and more sedentary and mad?  Oh yeah, that's a good solution for an almost 50 year old...  I quietly apologized to the lady on the phone and thanked her and hung up.

So I wait.  But, here is some of the problem...While I wait, I eat and I eat and I eat.  That's why I can't wait for this thing to arrive.

The game plan on arrival is...read the stuff, prep and get ready.  I will put a before pic...I hate that word pic...picture....up and try to put a small note about the high and low lights of the day.  I am thinking I may even come clean about the poundage, but I don't want to embarass my poor husband.  Most of the time, just being married to me and sitting next to me when I talk is embarassing enough.

Anyway, post one...join me on this half time strategy sesh...as my kids say...and we can keep each other on track, whatever that track is we want to be on!

The whistle is about to blow to start the second half,
May we see less of each other next time,
Love,
Terry